Traveling didn’t heal my broken heart.

 

A year after my dad died, I still carried a lot of baggage and couldn’t see beyond my broken heart. I was an emotional wreck and only functioned on autopilot. Knowing that I would damage myself further if I continue doing what I was doing, I quit my full-time corporate job and put my career on hold to focus on healing.

I wanted a fix because I need to go back to the life I was building and thought that traveling would be my way out of this rabbit hole. I just need to get closure, answers to my questions and these emotional wounds will be gone before I knew it. By the time I get back, I will be reenergized and full of enthusiasm again.

But I was wrong, I didn’t find the cure to the pain by going to a new place, I wasn’t able to ponder on closure during that 6-hour bus ride and I didn’t discover myself when I was sitting idly in the airport for my delayed flight.

I was naive thinking that traveling would heal me, that it would bring back who I was before: full of positivism and ready to accomplish my goals. I will always feel the pain and loss because it is a part of me now and what I need to continue learning is how to be not consumed by it. I don’t need closure but instead, I came to accept that there are things beyond my control. There will always be unanswered questions but I should stop chasing what I think are the answers and let it come when it comes.

Seeing the amazing sunsets taught me that endings don’t need to be a bad thing, watching sunrises enabled me to see hope in different packages, observing a sea turtle made me realize that I can come up for air whenever I need it, listening to the waves allowed me to hear the rhythms of my breaths, diving required me to stop lingering on the surface and go deeper, the long bus rides told me that I need to be more patient, an old tree showed me that to stand tall I must build deep roots and waiting for my delayed flight compelled me to not get angry easily.

Traveling is a lot of other things but it isn’t the cure for my broken but still functioning heart.

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Student programs are a priority, not an option

TED Talks are supposed to make you feel a lot and after I saw Kate Simonds’ I’m 17, what I felt was a surge of belongingness. I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Her experiences and ideas isn’t entirely different to what I had for the past few years and to what I sometimes feel right now.

Ask us about social security, ask us about environmental destruction, ask us about anything. Let us know that we matter because we do.

It’s true that not all of us will understand these policies right away. Just because we’re teenagers doesn’t mean that we don’t understand politics and similarly, just because you’re an adult, doesn’t mean that you do.

Continue reading “Student programs are a priority, not an option”

Love can wait but my dreams can’t

I finished my priority list for the last quarter of 2016. And when I pinned it on journal dashboard, I realized that I didn’t put any room for dating in it which isn’t a surprise at all. With a lot of things happening in my life and goals that I am focusing on, seeing other people aside from my friends and family would be out of the question.

I’m at that stage where I am starting to build things for myself, my career, the community I am volunteering for, my health routine and my financial portfolio. The sum of all of that takes up most of my time and drains my energy.

Continue reading “Love can wait but my dreams can’t”

Sorting priorities

I always dreamed of big things, like being able to travel for a living or be a founder of a NGO. I started putting up my bucketlist since I was 20 and I get this adrenaline rush whenever I tick off an item on it. Achieving goals I’ve set for myself is so fullfilling and maybe that is one of the reasons why I never ran out of things to do.

But sometimes, it gets overwhelming and I find it hard to focus on what goal should I aim for next. I wanted to do a lot of things and I really hate to admit this, but I really suck at this whole what-should-I-prioritize drill. And because I get lost at what should my priorities be, I tend to multitask, which I am also a novice at. Continue reading “Sorting priorities”

Stop doubting love.

Avatar: The Legend of Aang is still one of my most favorite shows and recently I decided to watch again the series in its entirety. And this scene hit something in me.

“There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.” – Uncle Iroh

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This made me think of how much love is present in my life, from my family, friends and even colleagues.

I have this habit of asking endless questions, of doubting people, of mistaking generosity as pity, of thinking that maybe their concern comes with an ulterior motive.

Continue reading “Stop doubting love.”